Her Black Stilettos
by classicvintage
Summary: My name is Lacy Badeau and my life used to be perfect. I transferred from Beauxbatons Academy in France and was sorted into Slytherin house at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I made friends quickly and my school days changed dramatically for the better after I fell in love with Draco Malfoy; little did I know he would lead me down the path to misery and heartache.
1. Nightmares

_The gray light of the low-lit room was shining down on the two of us as we danced. I lifted my head off his shoulder to glance around. Everyone looked perfect in their 1950's getups for the party. The decorations couldn't have been better, the caterer was great, and everyone seemed to be having the time of their lives. I smiled to myself. This had been one of the best birthdays I'd ever had and to top off the night I was dancing with Draco. Well, truthfully I'd been dancing with him all night, but this slow dance was different. The way he held me and the way our bodies brushed together as we danced made me even crazier about him; but up popped that feeling of insecurity again. Did he feel about me the same way I did for him?_  
_  
"What?" he asked after a minute of me looking around.  
_  
_"Just thinking." I answered.  
_  
_"About...?"  
_  
_I took a hesitant moment before I answered._  
_  
"This has been one of the best nights of my life." My voice shook slightly as I looked into his eyes. We looked at each other for a minute, eyes locked, before he said softly, "Happy birthday, Lacey" and leaned in and kissed me._

~~~~~~

I woke up gasping for breath as tears rolled down my face and heavy sobs choked me on their way out of my chest. I reached over and grabbed a tissue from the box on my nightstand. I leaned back against the bed's headboard and looked at the empty place next to me he had occupied so many nights before. But looking and remembering only caused more pain and I quickly closed my eyes. As I tried to quiet myself I couldn't help but wonder how long this would go on for. Every night waking up with different memories of us together; they always brought pain and sorrow with them.

Every time I woke up all the hurt and damage that he had done to me would come flooding back to my mind.

And I had to live with it every second of every minute of every day.

Some memories would have been good if not for the pain of remembering the events that had taken place after. Why had all these memories needed to happen if they were only going to be proven pointless at the end? They weren't useful; they only brought me pain and sorrow whenever they resurfaced. And resurface they did...a lot. Practically all the time now, and it was even worse that I couldn't escape them in sleep.

I shook my head, trying to clear my mind. I was nothing close to pathetic and it's not like I was looking to wallow in sadness for the rest of my life. I wanted to forget him. I wanted to get over the constant thoughts of him and forget every memory he ever gave me. But the post-break up stage is hard for everyone who was in a wonderful relationship and mine had surpassed them all.

After several minutes of sitting propped up against the headboard, I decided that sitting and thinking was not going to be helpful. So I threw off the covers, slid my feet into some slippers, and crept down the hall, down the stairs and into the kitchen. It was slightly chilly in the dead of this winter night and I grabbed one of my dad's jackets off the coat rack by the doorway as I walked in.

One of our house elves came up to me and asked what I'd like. I told him that some hot chocolate would be great and when he asked about whipped cream and marshmallows, I told him both.

I walked over and took a seat on one of the bar stools at the island. The granite countertop was freezing and I buried my hands in my lap. As I exhaled I could have sworn I saw my breath.

_Why the hell is it so cold in this freakin' house?_ I thought bitterly, still trying to release my dream from my thoughts.

Our house elf, Woody, soon brought me a warm cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows and a dash of cinnamon sprinkled on top. I took a deep breath in through my nose as I bent over my cup.

"Mmmmm," I sighed and took a sip. It was still a little too hot to drink so I gently blew on it.

Crap; Left alone with my thoughts again. I lifted a hand from around the mug and rubbed the side of my neck as I looked down at the fluffy white cream atop the chocolate liquid. After a moment of silence I looked up through the large window over the sink. The sky was slightly lighter as it was now four thirty in the morning.

As I looked out the window my eyes glazed a bit and a faint silvery ghost appeared and walked towards the cupboards on my right. A second ghost was suddenly sitting on the countertop smiling broadly at the first, a boy, as he sauntered towards her. My head cocked slightly to the side and my hand slipped from my neck back onto the granite. The boy apparition stood in front of the girl as he wrapped his arms around her torso. She giggled and clasped her hands behind his neck as he kissed her.

I couldn't take it anymore. I blinked a couple times as I fanned the air in front of my face. The silvery figures blew away in the wind of my imagination as my thoughts cleared. I picked up my cup and downed it all in one gulp. As I removed it from my lips I held it in front of my face for a few seconds and then, in a sudden fit of rage, I slammed it down onto the countertop, shattering the frail ceramic cup.

My chest was quivering with each hateful breath I took. I looked down and saw that my hand was cut across my palm.

I cursed to myself as both house elves came rushing in, along with my parents. "Lacey, what the hell is going on in here?" my mom asked me frantically. Her hair was in disarray and she had hastily thrown on a robe over her pajamas.

"My god it's cold down here," my dad commented, and then they saw the smashed cup and my bleeding hand.

"What the hell Lace?" my dad said as he came over and gently took my hand in his. My mom ordered Woody to grab a broom and dust pan.

"It's nothing, I'm fine...I...accidentally hit the cup against the side of the counter and it broke." The lie quickly came to me.

"Geez," my mom said. "Briny", she addressed our second elf, "remind me to order new dishware. Something more solid..."

My dad pulled me by the wrist over to the sink as he turned on the faucet and ran water over my hand. It stung, but once the blood was washed off he grabbed some medical tape and cotton from Briny - she'd left moments before and brought some back with her - and taped up my hand.

"Thanks" I gave them a winning, fake smile. "I'll be more careful next time."

My dad put his arm around my back as we walked toward the doorway, my mom slipping her arm around my other side. We walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs where we said our "goodnights", even though it was morning, and went back to our rooms.

As I walked down my wing of our country villa, I remembered I was wearing my dad's jacket so I turned around, walked back downstairs and hung it up again. I stood for a moment, the faint traces of the silvery figures by the cupboard starting to reappear, and then sharply turned away and ran back up the stairs, two at a time. When I finally reached my bedroom I closed the door behind me and lay down, knowing I wouldn't get back to sleep even with my stomach warm and full from the hot chocolate. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply, happy that, for now, my thoughts were clear.


	2. Blueberry Waffles

I sat on my bed until 6 AM and then decided that I needed to do something I loved to cheer me up. Then I glanced at the clock and thought about how our elves would start cooking breakfast shortly. _That's it!_ I thought. I loved to cook and I hadn't cooked in a while. So I sprang out of bed, excited and thinking about what I was going to make as I started on my way down to the kitchen.

I walked in and saw Woody and Briny and their large eyes turned to me. "No worries miss!" Briny squeaked. "We were just about to start breakfast!" Woody nodded frantically in agreement.

I half-smiled at them. "Actually, I was going to do the cooking myself this morning." They quickly glanced at each other; they knew how I loved to cook and they'd secretly been worried about me since I hadn't used the kitchen in so long.

"We will grab your things Miss!" they ran over to the largest cabinet and pulled out my neat pile of a folded apron, my bag of tools, and a few of my favorite cookbooks. I slipped the apron over my head and tied up my hair then washed my hands. The house elves were waiting expectantly for my directions.

"No, no." I shook my head. "I want to make this one by myself guys, thanks." They raised their tiny eyebrows at me as their eyes grew wide. Yep. I really was feeling good.

"I think I'll make blueberry waffles..." I rambled as I flipped open to the recipe page. After I said that, Woody and Briny zipped about the kitchen quickly getting out all the utensils and things I'd need.

"Guys!" I said with a big smile and a laugh. "I said no help! Now go, out; go take a break for a while." I pushed them out of the kitchen much to their dismay. Of course they didn't take a break. They went and got the cleaning things and started dusting and cleaning the house silently as not to wake my parents.

I smiled and shook my head, back in the kitchen. I propped the cookbook up on its stand and read the recipe. _Flour, sugar, butter, blueberries..._I read all the way down and then grabbed the big mixing bowl.

I had mixed a couple things together and then decided it was too quiet. I dusted the flour off my hands and wiped them on my apron. Then I turned and strode over to the large cabinet. I looked through the neatly arranged racks and found the CD player. I flipped through a couple cds before finding a Michael Buble. I small smirk appeared on my lips as I grabbed the player and cd and set them on the counter.

I was holding the spatula and dancing around the kitchen to "Sway" as Michael's beautiful voice rippled out from the player. I was currently standing and swaying back and forth, sometimes fast, others slow and holding the spatula up in front of my face like a mic.

"Well someone's in a good mood." I nearly jumped over the moon. With my face red as a cherry and my blood racing I spun around and faced my mom and dad, both cracking up at my reaction.

"Good lord people!" I shrieked as a hand flew up to my chest.

My mom chuckled as she said, "Smells delightful! What are you making?"

"Blueberry Waffles?" my dad was over looking at the cookbook.

"Yes." I answered with a wide cheesy grin. "Your favorite." I stepped over to his side.

"That's right." he said as he grabbed me and flipped me sideways.

"Ahhh, haha! Dad...ha ha...Put me down!" I said in between giggles as he tickled me. "S...St-Stop!" I laughed uncontrollably as he relentlessly tickled me.

My mom had joined him and proceeded to help him in his attack on me. I finally broke free and ran out to the foyer. I bent over, my hands on my knees, tying to catch my breath. It was then that another stupid memory had to creep up on me and ruin the fun.

*************  
It was cold in the common room as I crouched by the fireplace, trying to get warm. Why the hell did this place have to be under a lake? It only made it colder!  
I flexed my numb fingers in front of the fire, trying to get some feeling back. I was staring into the flames, lost in thought when arms suddenly snaked around my waist. I smirked as I slapped them away.

"That's not very nice. Just trying to make you warmer..." Draco whispered. His breath blew gently against my ear, driving me crazy.

"That's alright; I'm doing pretty well by myself thanks." I egged him on. I still wasn't sure if he really liked me or if I was just another one of those girls he'd use one time and then throw aside.

I relaxed my facial muscles so my smile disappeared and raised my eyebrows a tad, then turned my head in his direction.

He was watching me with narrowed eyes. Was I mistaken or did he actually look a little upset I'd pushed him off of me? I lowered one of my eyebrows and gave him a questioning look.

His glare softened a little as he tried not to change his expression. But I was determined to break his stare so I scrunched up my face and stuck my tongue out at him.

Damn. I'd almost gotten him. I stood up and turned toward him. I was sure this would work, but I didn't know what effect it would have.

"Aww" I said in mock sympathy. "Did I injure the poor Draco's feelings?" I gave him a fake sympathetic look. "You poor thing! You're so sensitive."

"That's it!" he said and leapt off the couch towards me.

"Eeeep!" I screamed and dove out of his way. Both of us scrambled to get off the ground, me to get away, him to chase me down. We must have chased each other around the common room for ten minutes before I tripped over someone's books and he quickly pinned me down.

"Okay" he was breathing hard. "Take...take it back..."

My chest was heaving against the floor. "Let me...up and I...will..."

"Not a chance."I could practically hear the smirk he had on his face.

I flipped over underneath him and was surprised how close our faces ended up being. I took a ragged breath, partly stunned by his proximity, partly because I was still trying to recover from his pursuit.

As our breathing slowed, my senses became suddenly hyper-aware of Draco. Every shift in his movement, the swaying motion of his hair, I picked up. My heart started racing and it was harder for me to breath. Did he feel the electricity that seemed to flow through the air between us?

"I'm waiting."

For a second I wasn't sure what he meant. Then I remembered where I was. I gave him a smirk and said, "You'll have to beg me."

His eyes narrowed slightly again. And then his hands ran down my sides, making feel like I was on fire. He leaned in and whispered "I don't think so" and started tickling me.

"Dr-drac-c-o!" I couldn't stand it. But somewhere back in my head the fact that he was touching me registered.

"S-s-s-stop!...I'm...super...ticklish!" I managed to get out in between laughs. I squirmed underneath him, trying to break free, but as he sat on me, straddling my waist, I could go nowhere.

"Say it!" he demanded.  
"S-stop! D-Draco!"  
"I won't until you say it!"

I could see that he wasn't lying and attempted to apologize.  
"I-I'm s-s-sorry..." I could barely get out more than a whisper at this point.  
"I can't hear you!" he said.  
"I'M SORRY!" I could only get the words out if I screamed.  
"Yeesh. Okay. No need to wake up the entire dorm." Thank heaven, the tickling stopped but my body was still quivering.

He looked at me as I came down from my ticklish high. Our eyes locked and neither of us broke contact as the mood around us changed. The electricity was back again. His hand ran up my side as he crouched over me, his knees on either side of my thighs. His hair hung down around his face, his beautiful blue eyes piercing my heart. His hand traveled the underside of my arm and when our fingertips touched, he hesitated before continuing along the top of my arm. My hair was sprawled out underneath me as I lay on the ground.

His hand slowed as it graced my neck and then traced my jaw line. Then he brushed my bags out of my face, all the while keeping his eyes locked on mine.

I knew this wouldn't last much longer. The tension was too much and one of us had to break soon.

His head bent closer and his breath hit the side of my neck sending shivers up my spine. His lips brushed my skin and I felt him smirk in response. My eyes fluttered shut as he kissed my neck and his lips brushed my skin again as he moved down to my collar bone. He planted kisses up and down my neck and across my collar bone as I tried hard not to moan. I licked my lips as he kissed the underside of my jaw. He bit down slightly on my neck suddenly, causing me to arch my back up into him.

His kisses kept climbing higher, first starting on the side of my jaw by my ear. He stopped there for a minute to nibbled and suck gently. Helpless to his expert touch, I sighed his name softly. His hands were working over my body, rubbing up and down my sides, around my back, down my hip and over my bare leg.

I could feel his tie down the center of my torso. My eyes opened slightly as my mouth fell open when he, surprisingly, licked my ear. I was propped up on my elbows slightly and I moved one of my arms up around his neck to pull him closer. His white school shirt looked so sexy on him. He had the sleeves rolled up to his upper arms and it was halfway undone from chasing me around the room. My hand slipped down his neck to slide down his chest. His abs were perfectly chiseled, as if by an artist from stone.

He was teasing me. I knew it because he was now kissing me everywhere except my lips. It was starting to infuriate me. What was he playing at, teasing me this way? He was going to kiss me damn it.

"Draco."

No response, just kisses.

"Draco."

As my hand reached the top of his shirt, I grabbed his tie and pulled his lips up to meet mine.

It was incredible. Words could not describe the feeling of his icy warm lips on mine. It started slowly as the feeling built, both of us testing each other out, and then his tongue slipped across my bottom lip begging entrance. As our kiss deepened he groaned against my lips driving me even crazier. We gripped each other tightly not ever being close enough. I don't know how I managed to slip my hand between us and rip his shirt open. He tore my school vest off and now my thin cotton shirt was the only thing separating us. His shirt hung down around me as his bare chest pressed up against me.

Yes, we were still on the floor. Did either of us care? No, it didn't seem to bother us.

************

I'd never taken it any farther than that with him, I'd drawn the line at sex and now that he'd betrayed me, I was glad.

As I flashed back to reality I took my hands off my knees and stood up. My dad walked in to the room with his hands up.

"I give in, I swear," he smiled. I smiled back, still trying to pull my brain back to what was really happening.

"Good. 'Cause I need to check the waffles." My smile faded as I walked back to the kitchen, trying not to let that memory get me down.


	3. Surprise Visits

I looked down at the snowy grass as I walked out to the private Quidditch field behind our house. A frigid wind suddenly ripped across my face, piercing through my thick robes and making me feel as if my blood had turned to ice. I tucked my broom under my arm as I rubbed my gloved hands together trying to warm them. Practice over break wasn't mandatory, but being the only girl on the best Quidditch team was tough work. Sadly, we had lost the Quidditch Cup last year but there was no way Gryffindor would beat us this year; the only returning players they had were Bell and Potter, otherwise their team was a bunch of newbies. It was my first year on the Slytherin team and our blonde douche of a captain had made sure that every player (especially me) was at the top of their game with his psycho practices before school let out for winter. He had worked us to the bone with intense three hour sessions every night for two weeks before break.

As I said, I was the only girl on the Slytherin Quidditch team and at times I thought the boys were going to murder me. Of course, before a certain someone and I had a falling out, they were all perfectly nice to me. Well, I was a much better player than they all were because I had to deal with Crab and Goyle hitting bludgers my way while trying to catch Vaisey's wild passes and still managing to score every time. I gave our keeper, Bletchley, quite a workout.

As I finally reached our field I mounted my broom and kicked off, quickly soaring high above the ring of trees surrounding the pitch. My hair was tied back in a ponytail and the cold air gave me goose bumps up my neck. I shivered in the cold and then turned the handle of my broom down and dove sharply towards the ground before performing a triple barrel roll as I leveled out near the ground. I took a hand from my broom and, lying flat against it, and let my fingertips gently grace over the top of the grass. As the other end of the field approached at a blinding rate due to my speed, I pulled sharply up and went spiraling into the sky. I let out a large sigh and a small smile as I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of the sun breaking through the clouds on my face, as I did a back flip.

It was silent on the field as it was too cold for any animals to be out. That's why it was easy to hear my mother's voice from a distance when she said "She's out on the Quidditch field." I halted in midair. Who was she talking to? My keen ears were straining to pick up any sounds of approaching footsteps as my eyes scoured the trees to see any protruding figure. A twig snapped behind me and I whipped around so fast I almost gave myself whiplash. A chuckling voice came from the shadows beneath the trees.

"A leettle jumpy are wee?" I'd recognize that French accent anywhere.

"Jacqueline!" I squealed as she stepped onto the field. I sped over to where she was standing, jumped off my broom and gave her a big hug. We spoke in French to each other, my accent coming back automatically.

"Comment allez-vous?"

" Très bien mercis, et vous? Je vous ai manqué tellement ! Va-t-il comment Beauxbatons et chacun?"

"Je suis bon aussi, chacun est simplement parfait et l'école est… école. Alice et Sophe vous manquent beaucoup et Reve fait aussi."

Which translated to:

"How are you?" said Jacqueline.

"Fine thanks, and you? I've missed you so much! How is Beauxbatons and everyone?"

"I'm good too. Everyone is simply perfect and school is...school. Alice and Sophe miss you and Reve wonders about you." My cheeks blushed slightly at the mention of Reve's name.

Now for those of you who don't speak French, I'll do you a favor and translate our conversations.

"He wonders about me?" I asked.

"Oh yes! He is always wondering what you're doing and how you're faring in England." I giggled in response.

"What a sweetheart. Let's go inside, it's freezing out here!"

We walked back to the house chatting about things I'd missed at my old academy, how glad I was to see her and what she was doing here.

"I'm just here visiting you while my father takes care of business with some executives of his that got transferred to the English Ministry." She said.

"So then since they're working at the Ministry of Magic, you'll be down here visiting with your dad a lot, right?" I asked excitedly.

"Well, I wouldn't say 'a lot' but yes, I'll be visiting every five months or so, as long as my father's employees keep their positions." She smiled broadly.

"Oh Jacqui! That's great!" We'd been best friends ever since our first year at Beauxbatons and I was incredibly glad to see her. I hadn't seen anyone from France for almost two years. The crunching sound the snow made as we walked was so pleasing to hear, it was like it echoed my happiness at seeing my best friend again.

My mother opened the door as we were nearing the house and yelled across the yard to us, "Come on girls! If you want hot chocolate, come get it while it's still warm! _S'il te plaît! "_

We sprinted the small distance to the house, her hands landing on the wall a split second before mine. She grinned and said, "I win!" We giggled and entered the house.

Upon entering the kitchen the aroma of our drinks and something I couldn't quite place filled our noses. "Is that..." I sniffed the air, "_Profiteroles!_" I shrieked as I looked over my dad's shoulder into the oven. My mom nudged me with a smile as she leaned in with floury hands to help him place the remaining pastries on the cookie sheets. My parents refused to use magic when making old family recipes. That is, when they actually _did_the cooking. Usually it was the house elves who cooked, with the exception of me and my hobby for baking.

"It smells wonderful Mr. and Mrs. Badeau." Jacqui said.

"Well thank you Jacqueline." My mom threw her a smile over her shoulder. I loved when my parents broke out our favorite family recipes from France. It always made me feel like our home country wasn't hundreds of miles and the English Channel away. I sighed inwardly as I remembered our life in France.

Every morning I'd wake up and open my window on the third floor, taking a deep breath and inhaling the scent from the flower box below the sill. Everything about that place made you feel like there was nowhere else on the planet you'd rather be, from the small cobbled streets to the wonderful aroma of fresh bread as you walked by the bakery. There were small ornate signs above each shop that made finding the right store easy without clouding the sky with huge, bulky signs. Mail was still delivered by a cute boy on a bike and you bought milk from the milkman in old-style bottles. The sun smiled down on you in the spring and summer, the light breeze blowing in off the sea was your friend. It rustled your hair and whispered in your ear how nice of a day it was and told you it couldn't wait until you were outside enjoying the sunshine. And of course, the French cuisine was the most wonderful in the world. You didn't have to own the largest, most advertised restaurant in town. No, the best places were the small, family owned, hole-in-the-wall delicatessens. You'd walk in and everyone there would greet you with such enthusiasm it made you feel as if you owned the entire world. Whoever said that the French were incapable of being nice was extremely confounded. We just didn't like the excessively nosy tourists sticking their flashy cameras up our arses. And every night I'd lie awake under my fluffy covers, the window pulled open and a soft breeze blowing in with the moonlight, as I stared out the window over the shingled rooftops of my beloved town at the waters of the Mediterranean sea. And then the gentle melody of the waves rolling up on the shore would lull me to sleep.

"Can you hand me that spatula dear?" my mom asked me from the sink. Saving my reveries for another time, I leaned across the island to grab it and slip it into the soapy water. My dad bumped into me as he tried to squeeze between my mother and me.

"Alright, I can see too many cooks are in the kitchen. Briny, give us a holler when the Profiteroles are done." Woody and Briny were on the other side of the kitchen washing and drying the dishes my parents had used. "Will do Miss!" she squeaked with violent nods of her head. Jacqueline and I headed up the stairs to my room.

"So," she said once my door was closed and we were in the privacy of my room. I could tell what she was wondering about by her tone and the look on her face.

"I'm alright I guess. I can't get rid of the memories though. They keep haunting me!"

After a pause, and a guilty glance at Jacqui, I continued. "He's in my dreams and everywhere I go, everything I do, he's there! I keep having moments where I can't tell whether I'm seeing reality or I'm actually reliving each memory in full-scale d-detail." My voice faltered on the last word. I paused and swallowed, trying to stop coming tears before they formed. When I calmed myself enough to whisper, my voice quivered uncontrollably and I had to stop between sentences.

"When the wind blows I feel his fingertips on my arms. If people are talking in quiet voices I hear him whispering in my ear. I see two people together and I can't help but hate them in envy. I see him where ever I look and all it does is drive the knife in my heart even deeper." I couldn't keep it in any longer. The tears flowed freely down my cheeks as Jacqui pulled me into a hug.

"Ah, mon pauvre ami." My poor friend, she said. "He is a completely asshole"

"A complete asshole" I hiccupped as I corrected her English.

"Yes, thank you. And I know you don't believe me now, but you are so much better off without him. He's a scumbag and you can do so much better. He doesn't deserve you and any boy who would do this is not worth caring about." And though I couldn't see it at this point, she was completely right.


	4. Flashback

My alarm clock went off and I withdrew a hand from my warm covers to silence it. I rolled over onto my back beneath my comforter. After a minute I heard my roommates starting to get up and move around. I opened my eyes and looked up at the ceiling. The morning sun was just beginning to lighten the sky and I could tell it was going to be a beautiful winter day.

I was temporarily blinded as a pillow smacked me in the face.

"Get up, lazy Lacey." Mina said. I reached up and pulled the pillow off of me to chuck it back at her, missing entirely. She just laughed.

"Mmm, shut up." I groaned. Mornings weren't my thing when I was tired. I brought my hands up to my face and applied slight pressure as I dragged them down, stretching my skin. I sighed as they slapped the bed, falling off my face. I threw off my covers and stood up to stretch, yawning as I did so.

"Your hair looks _amazing_" she said in sarcasm. I slouched over to the mirror, walking like an idiot to get her to laugh, which she did. I nearly jumped when I saw my reflection.

"Oh no..." I said as I furrowed by brows, my reflection mimicking me. I started picking through my hair, trying to get some of the rogue strands to lay flat again, but eventually gave up. Ariana and Mina walked out of the bathroom then.

"The bathroom's all yours" Francine said to Mina and me.

"I call the shower first!" we said at the same time. We looked at each other and dashed to the door.

"HA!" I exclaimed in victory as I shut and locked the door behind me. The loud thud she made as she hit the door made me laugh.

"Ugh, hurry up," she groaned in defeat. I grabbed my towels off the rack and undressed before hopping in the shower. The water was cool at first, the contrast of its temperature and my body that was still warm from being in bed was slightly shocking and succeeded in waking me up.

I loved the scent of my shampoo: white nectarine and pink coral flower. I closed my eyes and tipped my head back, letting the water rinse the rest of it out of my hair. I put on a quick shower facial mask and let it sit as I conditioned, and then rinsed off a final time before turning the water off. I wrapped my hair up in one of the towels and grabbed the other off the floor and wrapped it around my body.

I walked up to the mirror and surveyed the damage. I was developing bags under my eyes from going to bed so late and having to get up at the crack of dawn to get ready for class. Well, the bags weren't entirely my fault. If Draco hadn't been taking me on so many wonderful late night dates I would be able to get to bed on time. I smiled as I thought about the past month. After growing closer and closer, Draco and I had finally become a couple. I couldn't remember a time in my life that I'd been happier.

I picked up my toothbrush and squeezed some toothpaste onto the bristles. I brushed my teeth, making sure I completely removed every trace of morning breathe before rinsing with mouth wash. I checked my teeth in the mirror. _Perfectly kissable,_ I thought. I let out a small excited squeak before opening the door to the bathroom.

"Oh good!" Mina said as she shoved past, closing the door sharply behind me.

"Where'd Ariana and Fran go?" I asked through the door.

"They said they'd meet us in the Grand Hall."

I strolled over to my dresser and pulled out my uniform. A few minutes later I was adjusting my Slytherin tie when Mina came out into the room, completely ready.

"You done?" she asked.

"Just a sec" I replied, moving on to my makeup. I applied some eyeliner and mascara before turning to her and saying, "Ready!"

We were almost to the Grand Hall when we turned a corner and leaning against the wall was Draco. My heart must have skipped five beats when I saw him look up at me. He pushed himself off the wall and walked over to Mina and me. "See you in there" she said with a slight questioning tone to her voice, doubting whether or not she'd actually see me at breakfast.

"Don't worry, I'll be there. I'm extremely hungry." I said looking straight at Draco. He smirked at me as Mina disappeared around the corner.

I took a step towards him as he took two in my direction before wrapping his arms around my waist. I slung mine around his neck and leaned in.

Every time he kissed me it felt like we were both wired up to an electrical outlet. He was so good and he always left me wanting more, no matter how long our lips stayed connected.

His hands were never still for too long and soon enough they were roaming all over me; up and down my sides, across my back, down the side of my neck, over my arms. I had to stop him when my stomach rumbled loudly.

"I meant what I said when I told Mina she'd see me in there," I told him. It was so hard to stay determined to go eat with his icy blue eyes staring into mine. I had to look over his shoulder before I could finally manage to untwine myself from him and take his hand.

He led me into the Great Hall and to the Slytherin table. We sat in between Crab and Goyle who were stuffing their faces with ten of everything in sight. Draco's thumb was tracing patterns on the back of my hand as I ate. He was conversing with everyone around him as I talked to Blaise about our upcoming Quidditch match.

"There's not a chance that Gryffindor will beat us," he was saying. "And even on the offhand that they do, they'll have to beat us by at least 80 points if they want to take first for the Quidditch Cup." We were tied pretty evenly with Gryffindor right now for the Cup and Draco had been running the team dry with practices for the game. No way were we going to lose.

I soon lost track in what everyone else was saying. Draco was running his fingertips over my palm. He twiddled his fingers in the center of my hand, causing me to start giggling. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. Apparently they were talking about how some Slytherin kid had gone too close to the whomping willow and broke his arm.

I closed my fist, catching Draco's fingers in my grasp. He didn't like that too much and instead laced our fingers together. I was staring off with a slight smile on my face as Draco and I played our games under the table so I didn't notice that Rachel was watching me with a questioning look on her face. She ducked down and looked under the table before saying, "You two should just go get a room! Save the rest of us the trouble of watching you two act all lovey-dovey in public."

"Actually we already have one and it gets used quite often thank you." Draco retorted.

The guys oh-ed and the girls laughed. I let out a couple chuckles and playfully hit Draco in the arm. We'd never slept together.

Someone mentioned something about heading off to class and the rest of us took that as our cue. I sighed. I hated this part of the day; I had to go to my three most boring classes and I wouldn't see Draco until potions later in the day. We got up and he wound his arm around my waist as we walked to my class.

He kissed me at the door before turning and going off to his class. I bit my lip as I watched him go. Man that boy drove me crazy.

I let my stuff fall onto my table in potions. Care of Magical Creatures bored me to death. It wasn't so much that I hated Hagrid like the other Slytherins, I just found no excitement in that class at all. I spotted some of my friends and walked over to the desks they were gathered around and sat on the edge of the table as we talked.

I was talking to Blaise when he got this weird look on his face. No sooner had I noticed this change in expression when a pair of strong arms snaked around my waist.

"You have no idea how horrible life is without you." His whispered words tickled my ear. He planted kisses from my jaw line down my neck while I blushed wildly in front of the people around me. Draco? No, I swear he thought we were the only two people on the planet.

"Oh Draco," I said a little embarrassed. I felt him smirk against my neck before he planted one last kiss. He swung a chair around beside me and slid me along the table top until I was seated in his lap. I rested my elbow on the edge of the desk as I listened to the conversation my friends were having. Draco's ever-restless hands were rubbing across my shoulders. He blew across my ear, making me twitch a little. I looked over my shoulder at him and he planted a quick kiss on my lips. I leaned in after he had pulled away, looking for more.

At that moment Snape came in and we all had to get to our assigned seats. He was giving a lecture on Wraiths all period and I frequently looked back at Draco. (I sat in the front while he sat four rows behind me and a little to my right.) We made faces at each other, laughing silently as they got more and more ridiculous until a tapping sound on my desk brought my attention back to the front of the room. Snape had been tapping his wand against my desk, telling me to turn around. Had I been anything but a Slytherin he would have stopped the entire lecture to give us a different speech on paying attention and a reward of detention. But instead, he didn't even pause in his sentence, just tapped my desk and walked away after I'd turned.

Once the period ended I was at Draco's desk in a flash. We walked side by side to the common room with me receiving envious glares from many of the Slytherin girls. Yep. I knew I was the luckiest girl in the world.


	5. Winter Days

I tried to gasp for air as I opened my eyes, but couldn't as my chest was being crushed by some enormous weight. I looked down and saw Jacqueline sitting on me.

"Get off!" I managed to get out in a whisper.

She jumped off and I gulped in large breaths.

"Geez, you big baby," she said.

"You know, here in England, it's not customary to wake someone up by sitting on them when they're sleeping!"

She simply rolled her eyes at me.

"Come on, your house elves are cooking and I'm hungry!" She slapped both her hands on either side of her stomach to emphasize her hunger.

"Yeah, yeah" I said as I threw the covers off and got out of bed.

"You go down and get started while I change." I watched her high-tail it to the door. "Just save some for me!" I yelled after her, shaking my head.

I performed my morning routine, brush my teeth, get dressed, put on some makeup, and headed downstairs.

Jacqui was stuffing her face with bagels when I walked into the kitchen.

"Easy there, tiger! Don't want to have you weigh ten tons by the end of breakfast." She looked at me as she took a very aggressive bite out of her bagel before continuing to eat. I rolled my eyes and smiled at her before grabbing my own bagel and smothering it with cream cheese.

Jacqui and I had lain in my bedroom talking about every inch of gossip that crossed our minds for hours before we decided we should go out and do something fun.

"I know! We can go down to the stream and take photos! I need some of us before I have to go back home," Jacqui said.

I thought it was a great idea and agreed. We grabbed our cameras and ran down the stairs. My parents were sitting in the living room as we passed and my dad stopped us.

"What are you two up to?" he asked with a half-smile on his face and his eyebrows raised in a questioning way.

"Jacqui and I are going to go take pictures down by the stream," I said as I leaned around the side of the doorway.

"Alright," he said with a wave of his hand as he picked his newspaper back up.

As we trekked across my yard towards the trees that surrounded the section of the stream that ran across our property, Jacqueline and I talked about what we'd do before she had to leave.

"Well, my dad says we're leaving in about a week," she said with a sigh. Her dad was also staying with my family but he'd left early this morning to go to the Ministry.

"Hmm." I considered the options before us.

"What about Diagon Alley? I've heard lots about it" Jacqui said.

"Well...a lot of shops have been closing down recently because of You-Know-Who..." Just then I realized how detached from the real world I'd been since Jacqueline had arrived. The very real and pressing threat of the Dark Lord had seemed to vanish in my seemingly perfect world, reunited with my best friend.

"Eh, so what. As long as there are shops still standing, there's shopping to be done!" Jacqui said.

It was a couple minutes later that we arrived at the stream. It had become an even prettier sight with the recent snowfall. It had snowed a little more last night and the fresh snow blanketed the riverbanks. Chunks of ice were flowing down the stream, catching on the rocks only to be dislodged seconds later to continue downstream. I heard the clicking of Jacqui's camera as she snapped different shots.

"Lacey" she said and as I turned my heard towards her she snapped my picture.

"Gorgeous," she said with a smile. I did a half smile of my own and shook my head as I tried to cross the stream. I jumped off the bank and landed on a semi-flat rock. I took a large, tentative step forward onto another and then another and was then in the middle.

I turned to Jacqui with a big, cheesy grin on my face and she snapped another picture of me.

I took my camera out of my pocket and slipped the wrist strap on so it wouldn't fall into the water. I turned a little on the rock I was standing on to face the trees. They looked so fragile and beautiful with thin icicles hanging down off their frosted branches. I adjusted the lens before positioning it just right before I snapped a picture. It turned out really well; a shot of the iced tree branches with the sun shining in behind it.

I smiled to myself and looked over my shoulder to find Jacqui.

"Come here" she said, motioning me over to where she stood on the side of the bank.

"Hold on a sec," I said. "Now, strike a pose!" She turned to the side and spread her arms out, one up, one down and smiled.

I took the shot and finished crossing back over the stream.

As I came up next to her she brought her head beside mine and took a shot of the both of us standing in the snow. We were wearing snow hats, the kind with ear flaps and little pompoms hanging down to tie under your chin. I must say it was a quite a cute picture.

We stayed outside for another twenty minutes before Jacqui slipped on a rock and fell into the water, soaking her entire front.

That poor girl. By the time we got back inside I thought she'd contracted hypothermia by the way she was shaking. We changed into warmer, comfier clothes and Jacqui bundled up in blankets. The house elves brought us hot cocoa with marshmallows and whipped cream. We sat in the living room with my parents, next to the blazing fire.

"So girls," my mom started, "what are you going to do tomorrow?" She was smiling at us from over the top of her newspaper.

I grinned at Jacqui and said, "Taking a short trip to Diagon Alley."

"Afternoon," I greeted the skinny woman at the counter.

She had on a thin pair of spectacles that made her eyes look wide and very narrow.

''What's in the Nettle Tea?" Jacqui asked.

"The leaves of a stinging nettle are ground up and the juice is then mixed with a ginger spice," the lady answered. She had a lisp that made her very hard to understand, and her bottom lip stuck out when she spoke.

"Hmm...No, I'll just stick with a jasmine herb."

Jacqui gave me money to pay for her tea and took my bags to go get a table. I glanced over the menu on the wall once more and was about to order when the bell above the door rang as someone walked into the shop.

Now I don't know why I turned around, maybe because that's what most people do as a reflex when they hear someone new enter a room, but I glanced over my shoulder to see who'd come in. My whole being seemed to fling at the person standing by the door, clinging to him for dear life. My breathing hitched and I thought I was going to suffocate from lack of oxygen.

I thought I was getting better, as my memories were starting to haunt me less and less each day with Jacqueline around to take my mind off things, but when my eyes met Draco's everything seemed to hit me at one thousand miles per hour. I couldn't take my eyes off him to turn back to the cashier and finish ordering as I was afraid that if I looked away, he wouldn't be there when I looked back.

Every detail, every line of his face surpassed the image of him my subconscious mind had held on to. I felt that the hole he had made when he left me ripping my heart apart until there was nothing left. I recalled the way he'd set me on fire when he kissed me. Now it seemed that that fire was devouring the shreds of my heart until there was nothing left but empty space in my chest where it used to be. His face was a blank pallet. His eyes gave away nothing but were cold and impassive. Didn't he feel anything? Shock, to come into this tea house and see me standing at the register? Regret, for leaving me so empty and torn? Or any pain at all, to match the loss I've felt for him?

"Lacey," I barely heard Jacqui calling me.

For a second after she spoke, after he heard my name, his eyes mirrored all the hurt and betrayal I felt. He glanced down and I turned back around to the squinty-eyed lady, released. My voice rattled like metal in the back of a truck bed on a bumpy road as I spoke.

"I'll just have a small white tea."

I gave her the money and as she went to prepare our orders and after she turned away I leaned against the counter and looked back over my shoulder. Draco wasn't there. I turned farther around and saw the back of his head disappear as he passed the end of the Parlor window. A thought of going after him entered my mind, but was shortly out again. He didn't feel anything for me anymore. He made that clear the night he destroyed anything good, and wholesome, and perfect we once had. I grabbed our teas and went to sit with Jacqui.

As I set our drinks down and pulled out my chair I stood with my hand on top of its back, looking at the edge of the table for a minute.

"Lacey?"

Jacqui said my name again, this time to question if I was alright.

"Yeah, yeah," I answered quietly, trying to focus. "I'm fine."

I gave her a simple smile, pulled out my chair and sat down. If the intensity of one's gaze was enough to cause spontaneous combustion, that sugar shaker would have been burnt to ash by now.

"Lacey are you okay?"

I released the shaker from my stare and looked up to meet Jacqui's eyes.

"What happened just a second ago? Are you feeling alright? You look really pale."

I looked away for a minute before answering in a small voice, "That was Draco."

Her face showed confusion for a moment before clarity dawned on her.

"That man you just had the face-off with? That was him?"

"Yes," I whispered. "Whatever, can we talk about something else?"

Jacqui was unsure what to do. She took a sip of her tea and then reached out to grab my hand with a small smile.

I couldn't meet her eyes and instead stared out the window at the street as a light snow began to fall.


	6. The Beginning

The end of winter break was fast approaching and with it, the departure of Jacqueline and her father.

It was a crisp and clouded Friday afternoon and they had been visiting my family and me for almost a week. Much to my dismay, they were leaving the following morning to return to France and I was scheduled to take the last train back to Hogwarts in two days.

I was sitting on Jacqui's bed while she emptied out the dresser drawers and repacked all her things into her suitcase.

"I wish you weren't leaving," I told her sullenly.

She paused in her work to look at me with a sad half-smile on her face.

"I know me too. But on the bright side, I'll be here for a couple weeks during the summer. Plus, maybe after that your family can come and stay with us in France. Everyone would love to see you again."

I thought briefly of the old friends I had made at Beauxbatons and felt a crushing sense of sorrow. Life was so happy and easy back then.

"That would be wonderful. I really miss France sometimes."

Jacqui studied me for a minute before she turned her attention back to folding. I heard her open her mouth and breathe in as if to say something, but instead let the air out in a sigh.

"What?" I asked.

She shook her head before replying, "Nothing."

"No really, what?"

She inhaled heavily again and said "I just worry about you."

Puzzled, I asked "Why? I'm perfectly fine. I've grown to love England, really, almost as much as France. I've made some good friends at school, none quite as great as you though, of course."

She closed the drawer but didn't turn around. My eyes were focused on her back as she turned her head to look out the window to our left.

"You're my best friend. I know you too well not to see that even though you try so hard to look alright on the outside, you're dying on the inside."

My chest tightened and swallowing became a forced act. I dropped my eyes from her back and instead stared at the carpet between my feet, my hands in my lap.

"You told me you still think about Draco all the time and after being around you this week, it's obvious that you're not over him."

"How could I be?" I whispered.

There was a short moment of silence. When I heard her move, I looked up and watched her as she turned around to face me. When she looked at me I focused my view out the window at the grey snow clouds above the distant mountains. I felt her gaze scanning my face.

"How long has it been?"

Stupidly, tears were forming on the edges of my eyes. I wiped them away with the back of my hand before they had a chance to fall. I sniffed. After another moment of silence, when I was sure I could talk without crying, I answered.

"About a month."

I took a deep breath and met her gaze. I inhaled shakily and looked down at the floor again.

"I know it's been enough time to move on, it's just...I can't forget. I can't forget him, I can't forget everything we did together but most of all I can't forget how much I love him."

"How much you love him?"

"Loved." I corrected and let out a single breathy chuckle.

"What difference does it make?" I asked, my voice rising in volume. "Yes, I'm still in love with him. How could I not be! I keep going over and over every moment we spent together and analyzing them and asking myself, 'how could this have gone wrong?' Where did he stop loving me? How did I not see it? It doesn't add up. He's the best liar I've ever met and he made me believe he was in love with me too. Right up to the very end."

Tears had started to run down my cheeks and my face was hot, yet I wasn't weeping. These tears sprang from anger and confusion. It hurt more to talk about him out loud than it did to talk about him in my mind where only I could hear.

Jacqui stood up and came over to sit beside me on the bed. I continued to stare at the wall when she pulled me into her for a hug. We sat there in silence for a few minutes, her comforting me and my tears slowly dripping off my chin onto my shirt.

"Don't keep your feelings locked up inside you" she whispered.

"It only hurts more when they break out of the cage you keep them in."

"What do I do?" I pleaded as if she had the cure for my heartache.

"Maybe you should write them down. Put your thoughts in a journal and stop trying to ignore them. Don't be afraid to cry and don't fight. Just let him go."

"I can't," I said, my jaw shaking. "I can't."

"It's over." Those two words she said cut like sharp knives through my heart, piercing into the far corners where I hadn't even realized I was harboring a few last traces of hope that he wanted me back.

Sobs escaped my chest and I turned into Jacqui, crying freely onto her shoulder as I released my tears.

"It's not fair!" I choked out when I had a free breath. "Why?" I cried. _Why?_

"Shhh. I know," she said attempting to calm me, her cheek pressed against the top of my head. "Let it out, don't hold it in."

After I had regained control of myself and washed my face in the bathroom, Jacqui and I laid sideways across the bed, heads and feet dangling off the edges.

Jacqueline raised herself onto her elbows and looked across the room at her dresser.

"Well, I guess I should finish packing."

I raised myself up as well, mimicking her position.

"No, I'll ask Briny to finish it for you. I think dinner is almost ready. You hungry?"

"Starving."

I smiled at her as we both stood up and exited the room.

Downstairs I could hear my parents and Jacqui's dad talking and laughing. A sudden fear crept over me as I contemplated what I would do the next two days of the weekend before I went back to school. It would be lonely without Jacqui; that was for sure. Half of my time would be spent packing my trunk and maybe I could drill myself for Quidditch. After all, we did have a game next Thursday.

As we rounded the top of the staircase and made our way down, Woody came bouncing toward us. I envied him and his always carefree, happy mood.

"Excuse me misses, but dinner is ready!" He squeaked.

"Thanks Woody, we were just on our way to the dining room." His giant bat-like ears flapped against his skull as he nodded his approval and bounded back down the stairs and into the kitchen.

Jacqui and I took our seats across from one another as we sat down at the table, our parents still thoroughly involved in conversation. Woody and Briny served us our meals and I looked down at the plate when it was set in front of me. Filet Mignon with sautéed vegetables and a loaded baked potato. Suddenly realizing how hungry I was I grabbed my fork and dug in.

After dinner I sent Briny up to the guest room to finish packing Jacqueline's things. We sat in the living room with our parents as they discussed our schools.

"...and Beauxbatons 'az really stepped it up zee quality of education 'ze students are receiving."

Jacqui's father was filling my parents in on the updates the old school was getting and the renovations that were being made to the palace.

"I heard a rumor that they were thinking of changing the uniforms' light blue to a champagne?" Always the fashionista, my mother.

"Yes, ze opinion on a color change was voiced but eet is no longer being considered," Mr. Rousseau replied.

I remembered the soft pale blue silk of my old Beauxbatons uniform and the way the beautiful fabric felt as it would grace my knees when I walked across the palace grounds. My current Hogwarts uniform was nothing in comparison to its elegance.

My mind started to wander as I blocked out their conversation. My gaze flitted around the room, over the books lining the west wall and out the front windows of my house. The sun was shining through a break in the clouds, piercing through the darkness of the overcast day and creating a celestial scene. Even though it was winter, with the return of the Dark Lord during the summer, people talked of dementors breeding like crazy and claimed that they were the cause of the constant mist and cool weather.

"Lacey!" My thoughts snapped back to attention as I realized this was the second time my father had called my name.

"Sorry, what?"

Mr. Rousseau cleared his throat and asked me his question a second time. "'Ow are you fairing at Hogwartz? Ze British treat you well, no?"

I smiled my response. "Of course, I like Hogwarts very much. I've made plenty of friends and the housing system is a great way of getting students to meet one another and form bonds of camaraderie."

He nodded his head in response. "And 'zee boyz? Zey must be fallink at jour feet?"

My heart skipped a beat but I maintained my cool with a laugh.

"Oh no, I'm much too focused on my studies and Quidditch to be concerned with boys."

As he chuckled and turned back to conversing with my parents I let my smile drop and looked at Jacqui. Her eyes showed concern as she studied me but I half-smiled and shook my head. I was fine. Maybe that good cry I had earlier had worked its magic on me.

Jacqueline stayed in my room with me that night and we stayed up much too late gossiping and treasuring the last few hours we'd have together before she left and we wouldn't see each other for another half of a year.

It was a tearful goodbye and hugs were exchanged before Jacqueline and her father stepped into our large fireplace and returned home via the floo network. I stared into the fireplace even after the green flames had died down and extinguished. My mother put her arm around my shoulders.

"Don't worry, you'll be back at school in a few days and summer will be here before you know it," she said.

For those of you wondering, it wasn't like Jacqui and I could just floo to each other's houses every day. Something about the cross-country network was really backed up and flooing from one country to another was like sitting in rush-hour traffic.

"Are we really going to go and visit them in France?" I turned to her with a hopeful smile on my face.

"Of course we will. Jack was more than happy with the thought of us coming to visit, not to mention I haven't seen Marie even longer than you had seen Jacqui."

Jacqueline's mother hadn't come with them on this business trip as she was tied up in France with her store. Marie Rousseau was a fabulous designer and one of the more sought after fashion stylists in the Parisian wizarding community. She and my mother had been great friends since their days in school at Beauxbatons.

I let out a sigh.

"I just wish summer wasn't so far away."

The next day, I slumped into the house around noon, frozen and exhausted from two hours of intense Quidditch drills. The snow had just begun to fall again and as the gentle downfall increased in thickness, I decided it was time to call it quits.

Briny and Woody were running around the house, stoking the fireplaces to keep them roaring and warming the house. I set my broom against the door frame as I shed my heavy Quidditch robes and wandered down the hallway towards the study. My mother was sitting at the desk, writing with her favorite quill and scribbling away on a piece of parchment while my father sat in his lounge chair by the fire reading the latest version of the Daily Prophet. The front page article grabbed my attention; the prime minister was standing behind a podium, presumably at a press conference, and the headline read out "Scrimgeour Steps up Defenses in London."

"Dad, are you done with the front page?"

"Sure thing, here," he said as he handed me the article.

Eager to catch up on the latest info about the Ministry's efforts against You-Know-Who, I quickly read over the article but was disappointed that it held nothing of significant interest. The ministry had been increasing the amount of aurors in the cities most densely populated by witches and wizards since July. After what had happened with Harry Potter in the Department of Mysteries in June, and with the return of the Dark Lord, the newest Prime Minister had sent aurors out on wide goose chases, following any lead as to where You-Know-Who was hiding.

"It's ridiculous, sending all these people away from their families. They'll never find You-Know-Who and even if they did, they'd never be able to catch him and kill him." I could only imagine what it was like for the families of the aurors; all the constant worrying I imagined they went through. Would they ever see their loved-one again?

"The Ministry is doing their best to protect everyone from the Dark Lord. Besides, that's what the job of being an auror entails. It's their duty to track down and imprison those who use the Dark Arts and they knew that they'd have to be away a lot when they took the job."

"But still. I know that if I were an auror right now, I'd want to be home protecting my family." Dad just shrugged in response and went back to reading.

I folded the "Prophet" page and stood up, walking around the room.

"Hey mom, you don't happen to have a blank journal or notebook lying around do you?"

Part of me hoped she said no so I would have a legitimate excuse not to follow Jacqueline's advice and write a journal about my break up with Draco. She glanced up from her paper and thought a moment.

"Actually I think I might, look over there. The last time I bought stationary I think I brought home some blank journals and put them on that shelf."

Crap. I walked over to where she pointed and after looking through a couple of stacked books, I found a journal with blank pages amongst them.

"Deciding to keep a diary?" she asked.

"Yeah, something like that" I said absently. "Thanks."

I left the study and wandered up to my room. I grabbed a quill off my desk as I passed and went to curl up on the chaise lounge under my main big windows. I sat looking out at the lawn with the journal on my lap for a while. Was I strong enough to do this? Could I handle re-living the past four months in full detail on the slight chance that once it was written down, I could cast those days away from me for good, as easily as I could throw the journal in the trash?

Taking a deep breath I opened the cover and looked down at the creamy first page of book. I dipped my quill into the ink well on the window sill beside me and rested my hand against the page, tip hovering above the parchment.

Well, I was already at rock bottom; the only way to get out was to claw my way up. So I set ink to paper and started to write.

_My name is Lacey Aurélie Badeau, and this is an in-depth recounting of the past couple months, during which I experienced the darkest, most painful, beautiful , loving, worst and best moments of my life since meeting Draco Malfoy._


	7. Back to School

The new year at Hogwarts started out a bit differently than it had last year. There we were some couple-hundred young witches and wizards, packed into the Grand Hall like sardines in a tin can.

It's funny how normal everything seemed at that moment. To put it into perspective for you, a lot of shit had gone down in the past six months. The Ministry had announced the return of the Dark Lord, Harry Potter and the Order had experienced a huge battle in the Department of Mysteries and now, for some reason unknown, Dumbledore was standing in front of us with a grotesquely shriveled and blackened hand. Yet we were all here, back at school during a time of immense danger, listening to Dumbledore ask for new Quidditch commentators and announce the new Head Boy and Girl.

Hogwarts was welcoming yet another new teacher to its staff. Horace Slughorn would be taking the position of potions master and Snape had finally been given the job of teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts. Everyone around me at the Slytherin table cheered when he was acknowledged, so I followed the crowd and did the same.

What a contrast to Beauxbatons. Every teacher at that school was fully qualified for their position and had been teaching at the school since they were out of the womb. Not literally, but you get the point. This was going to be my first full year at Hogwarts as my family and I had moved to England halfway through last year.

The Hall had broken out in chatter after the news of Snape's new position so Dumbledore brought us all back to attention by clearing his throat.

"Now, as everybody in this Hall knows, Lord Voldemort and his followers are once more at large and gaining in strength."

The silence seemed to solidify as he spoke. I could feel those around me who had been slouched and not paying attention straightening to fix their eyes on the Headmaster.

"I cannot emphasize strongly enough how dangerous the present situation is..."

Something I saw out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. I turned my head and saw Draco Malfoy sitting several seats down from me on the opposite side of the table. He was probably the only one in the whole room not paying attention to Dumbledore's speech. Well, one of two. He was making his fork levitate with his wand, seeming completely uninterested. Suddenly, feeling the weight of my gaze, I suppose, his eyes turned up to meet mine.

I felt my cheeks instantly warm with a blush as I looked away.

"...I urge you, therefore, to abide by any security restrictions..."

Don't get me wrong, I didn't fancy Draco or anything. In fact, my feelings for him were slightly on the side of dislike. He was attractive, of course, but a total jerk. I'd had potions with him last year and it was practically unbearable. I don't know how he and his ego could fit in this room together.

I snuck a glance over my shoulder and almost instantly turned back around. He was staring at me.

I pretended like I was exceedingly interested in what the headmaster was saying as the redness of my face intensified. One of my roommates saw my ferocious blushing and gave me a mischievous smirk.

"What?" She mouthed.

I just shook my head and cupped a hand around my neck.

"But now, your beds await, as warm and comfortable as you could possibly wish, and I know that your top priority is to be well-rested for your lessons tomorrow."

Oh yeah, suuure...

"Let us therefore say good night. Pip pip!"

And with that, the entire hall was filled with the scraping of benches and hundreds of talking voices as students headed off to their respective houses. My friends and I remained seated, deciding to wait until the initial congestion cleared out.

"So what's up Lace? Who was making you blush?" Kathryn asked me from across the table, her eyes twinkling and a grin on her face.

"Oh, no one you know." I crossed my arms and leaned forward on the table, tracing the wood pattern with my eyes. I could feel my face reddening again.

"Ha ha look! She's blushing again! C'mon Lacey, tell us who it is! What happened?" One of my roommates, and good friends, Mina squealed.

"It's nothing, really. I just got caught looking at someone."

I risked a glance down the table again, but he'd already left.

"Who was it?" they persisted.

I let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of my nose and I closed my eyes.

"Draco Malfoy."

They erupted in shrieks and giggles.

"What? Draco? Do you like him?"

"No! Of course not! I was only embarrassed because we made unexpected eye contact."

"Why were you staring at him?"

"I wasn't staring! He was doing something stupid with his fork and I happened to look over at him and he saw me."

I was on the extreme defensive and my friends could tell. Malin, who had hadn't said anything until now, spoke up.

"Draco's cute, but he's such a pompous arse."

"Agreed," said Kat. "He thinks way too highly of himself."

"Not to mention he's a total man-whore who uses girls for sex and tosses them away like trash."

"Mina, what a feisty one you are tonight!" I said. She was usually the sweet everyone-has-a-good-side one of the bunch.

"Yeah, I thought everything was faeries and cotton-candy in your world." Kat said with a smirk. Mina straightened in her seat and started stacking her things to leave.

"For your information, it was 'faeries, cotton-candy and _screw you.'_" We all busted up laughing and stood to walk out of the Hall.

We shared stories of what we did over summer all the way back to the Slytherin common room. As usual, it was a balmy 50 degrees under the lake and the room was just slightly crowded with students.

"Hey Kat, think fast!"

Peter Landcaster chucked something across the room at Kat. I wasn't surprised. In fact, her incessant flirting with ANY available boy had seemed to have a delayed start this year. Usually she had a small herd following her around before we even got on the Hogwarts Express.

Kat was beautiful, without a doubt, and had a great sense of humor to boot. She was a total "guy's girl" and was always willing to involve herself in whatever annoying new game the male species came up with. She was sometimes referred to as a slut, the way she went around flirting and showing off just a little too much skin, but she was also totally down-to-earth and the best friend I could ask for.

She spun around just in time to catch the Quaffle Peter had thrown to her.

"Tsk tsk, you guys broke into Madame Hooch's office already? It's not even 11 o'clock on our first night back to school!" She chuckled as she tossed the Quidditch ball back to him.

"Do you guys want to go upstairs? It's a bit crowded down here" I said to my girls. They all agreed so we headed towards the stairs to the girl's dorms.

Just to clarify, Mina and I share a room while Kat and Malin are both rooming with other girls. Poor Malin got stuck with the worst of the worst in Slytherin: Pansy Parkington. I had been attending Hogwarts for less than an hour when Pansy had decided to add me to her long list of people she didn't like. I had just been sorted and when I went to sit down at the table I caught the tail end of someone's conversation.

"..._and she's such a slag!_" I looked up and saw Pansy glowering at me from a small distance away. I wasn't familiar with the term at that point, but some later clarification had me wondering what I did to make her hate me so quickly.

We all decided to hang out in mine and Mina's room since our other two roomies were still down in the common room.

"When are you and Peter going to hook up?" I asked Kat.

"Don't make me gag. Peter is sooo not my type."

"What is your type? Fly already unzipped?" I elbowed Mina in the side. She was only kidding, but still.

"No, thank you very much. Peter's just...too immature." She turned sideways in my mirror, looking herself over. "I need a real man."

"Okay, sure Kat. 'Cause you're so responsible and grown-up yourself."

"Malin, what is with you tonight? Who died and took your virginity with them?"

I couldn't put my finger on it, but something in Malin's face threw me off.

"Oh my god! That's it! You hooked up with somebody over summer!" Kat was beside herself in shock and smugness for the fact that she was right. A true Slytherin for 'ya there. When Malin didn't respond right away we all crowded onto the bed she was sitting on.

"Tell us! What happened? Who?!"

For us, this was like the sky had suddenly turned hot pink and started raining dragons. As I said before, Malin was the most innocent girl out of the four of us and, as far as we'd known, had never done anything remotely scandalous.

"His name's Timmothy Krendle. Remember how I said I had a job this summer, interning at the Ministry?"

We all nodded. Malin's father was some person of mid-importance in the British Ministry of Magic and had set his daughter up with an internship in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures.

"He had just started working there as a new employee and we had orientation together. We started hanging out since we were the new kids on the block and, I don't know, we-"

"-banged like animals! How old was this guy, 18? God and you don't turn 16 until next week! I always knew there was a dirty side to you Malin, just waiting to come out. There was no way you could go that long without some sort of release. And God, was your 'I'm a good-girl' reputation starting to get annoying."

"Well excuse me, Kat. At least I have some morality and don't go throwing my cat around at every guy I pass in the hallway."

"I do not 'throw my cat' around!"

"And you want to talk about reputations? How about yours, hmm? The 'Slytherin slut' am I right?"

"Hey now, that was uncalled f-"

Kat cut me off. "Well hey, at least I get some action! The boys actually _like_ me."

"You're such a bitch, Kat! You can never just be a nice person and say something like any normal human being with a little sense of apathy would! You're a cold, heartless bitch."

"Oh yeah? Let me tell you something about you-"

Mina and I looked at each other. We had to do something before this fight got way out of hand and the two of them said things they didn't mean. We withdrew our wands and pointed them at the other two.

"Silencio!"

It was like someone had pressed a mute button. My ears were ringing in the silence with relief from their screaming. Without a voice to yell with anymore, Kat was far from done being angry and shoved Malin into a bed post. As she righted herself to return her attack, Mina and I hooked our arms around their elbows and pulled them away from each other.

"Had enough?" I said angrily to the two of them.

Kat struggled in my arms, trying to break away but I only tightened my grip.

"Drop it Kat! Now stop this fighting! You two are friends and I don't know what the hell has gotten into the two of you but let it go. Kat you need to apologize. What you said was completely rude, even for you."

She just huffed and looked away.

"And Malin, you know how Kat is. She's a bitch and doesn't say things the right way. But you still shouldn't have said what you did."

Sensing that both parties had lost their drive to fight, Mina and I released them. Kat glared at the wall for a few moments, her fists clenched, before spinning on her heel and storming out the door. Malin stood staring at the ground before she sunk down to the bed behind her. Her voice was coming back, the silencing charm wearing off.

"Don't worry Malin, don't let what she said get to you. You know her, she just doesn't express her feelings well and you shocked her, well all of us, with your news."

"Whatever; I don't care." She shrugged off the arm I had around her shoulders and walked off to her dorm, I presume.

Great. It was our first day back to school and two of my best friends were fighting.

I woke up the next morning to a sound that I really didn't miss hearing over summer: my alarm clock. As I rolled over to turn it off, Ariana and Francine, my two other roommates besides Mina, were already up and moving about the room.

"Can someone tell me why I'm not asleep right now?" I heard Mina grumble from under her pillow two beds over.

"Come on, rise and shine! We've got class in an hour."

"Ana, I don't understand how you're this perky in the morning."

"I'm just an early-bird I guess," she smiled and threw her long dark hair over her shoulder as she talked. One of my arms was completely dead from hanging over the edge of my bed all night. I used my right to bring it up next to me and sat up, swinging my legs out from under the covers and setting my feet on the ground. I let out a huge yawn before I got up and stumbled to the bathroom.

I pulled out my hairbrush and set to work calming the tangles that had made a home of my hair during the night. As I watched myself in the mirror, I thought about my schedule.

_Let's see, Potions first, then transfiguration with the Hufflepuffs, after that Double Defense Against the Dark Arts and then..._

I paused momentarily, half-way through a stroke, trying to remember what class I had last today. Mina walked in then and scoffed at me.

"What happened, did you get stuck?"

"Just thinking."

She turned the faucet on and ran her toothbrush under it.

"What class do we have last today?" I asked and she spoke around the toothpaste in her mouth to reply.

"Charms."

"Oh yeah, right."

I finally untangled the last knot then copied Mina and brushed my teeth. When I came out of the bathroom Ariana was frantically trying to find her skirt.

"Fran, are you sure you didn't mix it up with yours?"

"Positive" she replied in her tiny voice. Francine was a petite girl, standing at five-foot-two and skinnier than a bean pole. She had auburn hair that she typically wore in a styled pixie-cut.

"Oh, here it is!" Ariana exclaimed, pulling her pleated skirt out from the bottom of her trunk.

I shook my head and proceeded to pull out my own school uniform. None of us had bothered to unpack last night as we'd all stayed up to late talking and catching up.

"Hurry up guys, we only have forty minutes to eat," Mina said, standing by the door ready to go.

The rest of us threw on our last few garments and headed out together.

In the Great Hall, we split to go our separate ways and mina and I found Malin and Kat sitting together at the Slytherin table, looking like they'd made up sometime before we'd arrived.

"Hey guys, sorry about last night." Malin said giving us a half-smile.

"Yeah, sorry. But we cleared everything up and now we're besties again. Right, Malin?" Kat slung her arm around her neck and pulled her in.

"Yeah, sure," she said sarcastically, trying to loosen Kat's hold.

I smiled and shook my head, grabbing a plate and filling it with food.

"You ready for potions today Lace?"

"Yeah, that's gonna be interesting. I still can't believe none of you got into N.E.W.T potions," I replied to Kat's question.

"Hopefully there will be some other Slytherins for you to hang out with. Everyone I've talked to didn't get in."

We talked as we ate, happy to be together again, the four of us. I still couldn't believe how quickly time had flown. I'd known these three girls for what, less than a year? But we were such good friends you could swear we'd known each other our whole lives.

Half an hour later, with ten minutes to go before we had to be in class, we departed the Great Hall.

"I hope Malfoy's ego has calmed down a bit and he's not such a git this year" Malin said. We didn't particularly care for Malfoy, but being Slytherins we had a higher tolerance for him than most people.

"I know. At first, the sexual jokes were kind of flattering but now they're just annoying" said Kat.

"I just hope I don't have too many classes with him and his croonies this year."

"At least you haven't known him as long as the rest of us have, Lacey. You've only spent half a year with him. We've had to deal with him _every_ year."

When we got to the potion's dungeon, I said goodbye to my friends as they headed off to Arithmacy.

And commence awkward moment. Without my friends, I felt uncomfortable. There weren't very many students present and, so far, I was the only Slytherin. I heard footsteps and male voices approaching so I turned around to see who was coming down the hall.

Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zambini and Theodore (or Teddy, as the Slytherins called him) Nott were walking this way. Wow, I lucked out. Of all the people in Slytherin who I thought would have been smart enough to progress, these were the people I was stuck with. It's not like we hated each other, we just weren't all too great of friends.

"Hey Lacey." Blaise greeted me as the three of them came up.

"Hi guys," I responded lamely.

"A sorry lot this turned out to be," Draco sneered as he looked around at the other students.

There were twelve students waiting in the hall for Professor Slughorn to show up; me, the Golden Trio from Gryffindor, four students from Ravenclaw, some scrawny boy from Hufflepuff, Draco, Blaise and Teddy.

"Ugh, how did Potter and the Weasel get in to this class?" Nott scoffed.

"Who knows, Potter probably begged his best friend the headmaster to get him in. God and the mudblood is with them," said Draco

I turned my head to look at the three of them simply because I had nothing better to do. They were talking to the one Hufflepuff boy.

"I wish I could have seen you take down Potter, Draco."

"Yeah, me too. He got what he deserved."

Draco's upper lip curled as his friends praised him. I wasn't sure what to make of him. We had one class together last year and I'd never said more than ten words to him.

At that moment, the Professor opened the door to the Dungeon and we all filed in. He greeted us all as we passed him, paying particular enthusiasm to Harry and Blaise. We took our seats, the four of us at a table, the Ravenclaws occupying their own and Potter's crew shared with the Hufflepuff. The atmosphere of the classroom was rather odd; the room was full of vapors and strange, sickly-sweet smells. Next to our table there was a cauldron of some bubbling colorless liquid.

"Now then, now then, now then..." Slughorn launched into directions. Take out this, take out that.

"Sir?" said Harry.

"Sir?" Nott mimicked in a higher-pitch, earning a round of giggles from our table.

"I haven't got a book or scales or anything - nor's Ron -"

"Imbeciles," Draco said, his voice dripping with disdain. "Those two could walk around their own common room and forget where they are."

Slughorn asked a couple questions about the potions he had set up around the room with Hermione Granger answering all of them.

"God, she thinks she's so smart. I'd love to slap that know-it-all look of superiority off her face." Blaise whispered to Malfoy.

Just then, Slughorn asked her about her lineage. Was she related to Hector Dagworth-Granger or something of the like?

"No, I don't think so, sir. I'm Muggle-born, you see."

Draco leaned across to Nott and whispered something I couldn't hear, both of them sniggering.

"Oho! '_One of my best friends is Muggle-born, and she's the best in our year!'_ I'm assuming this is the very friend of whom you spoke, Harry?"

"Yes sir," he replied.

"Well, well, take twenty well-earned points for Gryffindor, Miss Granger."

Draco's face was priceless.

"Can you believe that!" he hissed. "He gave her points _for being Potter's friend! _I'll tell my father about this, he's obviously favoring Potter and his precious little Gryffindor."

Slughorn went on about the potions around the room, explaining their names and functions. I couldn't help but notice the growing interest on Draco's face as Slughorn explained "Felix Felicis". He announced that he would be awarding a vial of Liquid Luck to whoever made the best Draught of the Living Dead potion by the end of the period.

As he turned us loose, everyone in the room turned instantly serious. It was dead quiet as students drew their caldrons towards them or went to the reagents' cabinet. Draco was flipping through the pages of his _Advanced Potion-Making_ book as I got up to go retrieve some ingredients. It was odd, seeing him like this. I'd never witnessed him actually treating class-work seriously. All he'd had to do last year was buddy-up to Snape and he passed whatever test he gave out.

When I came back to the table, Draco was doing his usual thing: trying to gain special treatment.

"Sir, I think you knew my grandfather, Abraxas Malfoy?"

I could tell he was jealous of the way Slughorn had so enthusiastically greeted Blaise at the door and was obviously enthralled by Harry. Sure, Blaise was his friend, but to Draco, even friends were subordinates.

I couldn't help a chuckle as Slughorn barely answered him and then walked away.

"What are you laughing at Badeau?"

I looked up from my potion to meet his steely gaze. Even angry, I couldn't help but notice what an amazing shade of blue his eyes were. He dropped his gaze after a few seconds and I immediately dropped mine back to my cauldron. I could feel my cheeks heating up again. What was wrong with me lately? He just glared at me and I'm blushing?

The rest of the class passed quickly. My Draught had proved a difficult potion to brew and, as a result of slightly too many toadstools, turned out too toxic. My table was especially unhappy when Harry Potter was announced the winner of the vial of liquid luck and looks of hatred could be seen of the boys' faces.

"I should have won that potion" Draco said as we stood up to leave. It was almost dinner time and my stomach was growling.

"Geeze, did you eat a baby tiger before you came to class?" Blaise joked. I smiled at him, welcoming his friendliness.

As I turned my head back around, I caught Draco's eye. There was something there in his eyes again, though this time it wasn't malice.

Was it jealousy?


End file.
